RANDOM/STORY: Still or Sparkling?

An excerpt from “Ironies of Time” by Luis Fernando Veríssimo

— One water, please— said the man.
— Still or sparkling?
— Ah, yes. Decisions, decisions... Sparkling, with bubbles. No, without. With. 
— Would you like the bread basket?
— Not necessary. Or, actually, bring it. But just bread.
— No butter? Maybe some olives?

— Yes. Olives.
— Green or black?
— Oh, I can choose? Green. No, black. Green. Doesn’t matter. Bring both.
— Sir, you need to make up your mind.
— I know, I know. It’s not always easy…
— And the butter. Would you like some?
— Hmm. Let’s see. Do you need the answer right now?
— Yes, sir.
— Butter, butter... No. No butter. Or yes.
— Yes or no?
— Calm down. Choices can’t be so final, my friend. For example: do you want to be buried or cremated?
— I haven’t thought about that yet.
— Me neither. I think about it all the time, and still haven’t reached a conclusion. Do you believe in life after death?
— I do.
— I don’t know if I do. Do you believe in God?
— I do.
— And you have no doubts about that?
— None.
— I don’t know if I believe or not.
— Look, today’s special is breaded fish fillet with potatoes.
— That’ll do.
— The potatoes can be fried or boiled.
— Hmm. Right. I’ll have them fried. No, boiled. Fried!
— Remoulade or béchamel sauce?
— What?
— With the fish. Remoulade or béchamel?
— Oh, my God. Let me think.
— Remoulade or béchamel?!
— Wait a second.
— REMOULADE OR BÉCHAMEL?!
— You’re pressuring me.
— You must decide, sir.
— I know. You think I don’t know?
— Remoulade or béchamel?
— This is impossible. People expect us to have absolute opinions. As if everything could be decided just like that, on the spot. Death penalty, yes or no? Samba, yes or no? Legalizing marijuana, yes or no? Remoulade or béchamel? Sparkling or still water is only the beginning. Then they want me to take a stand on everything. Well, I won’t give them that satisfaction. I don’t want mineral water with or without gas. I’ll have wine!
— Red or white?
— Red. White. Red. No, white.
— Dry or fruity?
— Cancel lunch!